A Hatter's Obligation
by LadyBow8
Summary: After ten years of no-show, a college aged Alice returns to Wonderland and Hatter feels they are meant to be together. But with a friendship of decade-long tension, how will Hare take to the news? Hatter/Hare
1. Part 1

**{Author's Note}**

Hi everyone! I have a new AIW fic here, as you can see. Whether you've read stuff by me before or not, I thought it best to begin this story with a note about its content.

As an adamant Hatter/Hare shipper in this particular show's realm, I don't see the plausibility of the whole "they never get together", "Alice disappears from Wonderland for 10 years" "she comes back and Hatter realizes he has feelings for her, and vice versa." It's just never rang true, hell I never even knew why it was necessary, and I've read a number of versions, some of them with fine prose and realistic characterization. When I began this story, it was going to be just a funny spoof of that situation where Hatter/Hare happens _within_ a Hatter/Alice story. But~ as it went along I realized it was becoming a strong commentary, between the lines, on H/A stories and ideas, at least my interpretations of them. I think there is much hope for H/A shippers to find humor in this though, because while it addresses many things that I don't feel make sense, its jabs are soft, and it's really just another story about characters caring for each other.

Which is why I also wanted to say that the story differs in some ways from everything else I've written for this show. There's a lot of humor, really, but some parts aren't supposed to be funny. Other stories of mine have began to touch on things, but never enter them. I haven't made my thoughts about serious moments in this show vulnerable through prose before, so bare with me! You'll like it best as a fellow shipper of H/H, but if you're not, I still recommend giving it a chance. Open dialogue about the pairings is something I'm not afraid of.

* * *

**A Hatter's Obligation**

A Short Story by Yours Truly

Part 1

It was a beautiful December afternoon in Wonderland as Hatter and Hare crossed a sun-splashed clearing, scarves adorned around their necks, and each holding croquet mallets. Hatter was smirking towards the setting sun, a spring in his step as it were, when Hare wet his lip excitedly to speak.

"Man, Hatter, you really tore Dee a new one!" He exclaimed. Hatter swatted his hand. "No really! You didn't just win, you _annihilated _him."

"Oh _please_, like I would ever _annihilate_ Dee on purpose..." They continued to walk in companionable silence a moment. "...I sure did, though, didn't I?" Hatter slowed his stride to smack his own knee and then whisk his hand into Hare's arm. His companion grinned and lightly shook his head. "You're staying for tea, right?"

Hare giggled as they reentered the forest. "Yes, just like I have every day the past 14 years."

"Well I don't _know_, you've missed a few times."

"I've been sick a few times. It's inevitable."

"Yeahighh..."

"But then again, you've avoided doctor visits just to have tea parties!"

Hatter bit his lip like he wasn't sure whether to be proud or self-conscious when a rustle in the bushes stopped them in their tracks. By then the shadows were growing, and the light crept dimly through the trees. Hare laid his hand over the one Hatter had just put over his shoulder.

"D-did you hear that?" Hare asked, nose a-quiver. They waited for another stir but the silence continued. Hatter tugged at the ends of his jacket a little and went forward.

"It's probably just those damn mome raths."

"It made too much noise to be _mome raths_," Hare argued, reaching for Hatter's arm and sprinting by his side.

"If it was a whole pack of them I don't see why not-"

More bush rustling ensued, causing Hatter to spring out his arms dramatically like it might give him better reception.

"There it _is_ again!" Hare uttered. When another silence ensued, Hatter's brow fell over his eyes.

"You know what? Maybe it's that Cat trying to screw with us." He went off again but Hare remained, sure he had spotted something softly colored and a bit short in the brush. When it moved in Hatter's direction, Hare came hurrying to his side, wide eyes darting.

"This is exactly what he wants out of us. Now can you let go of my arm? It likes to be circulated."

Hare frowned and let go, watching from behind. Hatter took one quick glance and they both turned towards their un-walked path when a figure appeared just in front of them and both squeaked and held to each other in shock.

"I didn't mean to scare you," a lamenting female voice assured. Her breath continued harshly as Hatter and Hare's grips on each other loosened. "I got lost trying to make my way to the palace. I'm so embarrassed..."

Hare took her for a confused journalist or other such visitor and reached out to touch her shuffling hands. "Well that's _okay_... we'll lead you out of here and you can call from Hatter's house."

"Oh, but I don't _need_ to... Mr. Hare, do you recognize me?"

"Uhhh..." While Hare took the initiative and walked with her down the way, Hatter followed idly, at a loss for words. "...Am I supposed to?"

"Maybe not..." She responded softly.

Once on the clear path, she stepped out, guided by Hare's hand, and the two got a legitimate look at her. Blond hair, pointy noise, perfect olive-colored eyes... Hare'e eyes dropped straight to her rack on accident, even concealed by a fluffy beige sweater. "Ohh _God,"_ he thought aloud. She wasn't sure whether to laugh or smack him. Hatter had on nearly the same expression.

An awkward silence passed over them. "H-how does tea sound?" Hare finally asked.

"Sounds great!" She quickly answered. They were fast coming towards the house, but whenever Hare glanced at Hatter, wondering if he was just as confused seeing this old friend back in town, he found him to be staring dumbly, as if that scare in the forest had caused him to shake free a few of his marbles (the important ones.) He was reassured Hatter was running on back-up when he waltzed right into the gate. "Careful, you silly goose!" Hare tried. Hatter's only response after bouncing back was glancing at their visitor with a pitiful crooked smile and opening the gate for her.

She looked up at him fondly, as if the mistakes were a delight, and smiled. "I'm so glad you found me. You guys were the first people I wanted to see, but I thought the Queen oughtta know first..."

Hatter reflected the same delight, even through uncertainty, until they were all seated. As she was observing the place, still littered with dishes, house as yellow as she remembered, her table mates just stared at her, Hare with what looked like a tear in his eye. A garden lined the brim of the giant "hat" that she did not recognize from before. Eventually her eyes came to Hatter, who quickly refocused on his cup. She wrung her hands and sighed. "I-I don't know what to say."

Neither did they. Though her clothes were modest, her new figure was conspicuous. Hatter peeked to the side of the table and caught a pair of brown high heels ending long denim legs. Her glossy manicured fingers laid over the edge of the table for a second before adjusting a fallen lock of straightened hair. Neither remembered her having such a large forehead before.

Hare thought a minute. "...H-How did you make it back?" She inhaled like she knew the answer, but sighed again.

"By a complete miracle, that's how."

"I-I had no intention of ever leaving, I promise. But pretty much the worst thing in the world happened and I couldn't even tell anyone. You must've thought I'd forgotten about you." Hatter reflected pity for her and then proceeded to lean on his right arm and grin at her stupidly.

"Wellll... We didn't want to assume anything, but eventually _yes_..." She frowned, but that sorrow was gradually replaced by curiosity as to why Hatter was silent as the grave.

"Mr. Hatter?..."

"You're not too shocked, are you?" Hare tried. Hatter broke out of his trance-like smile on her and shook his head amusedly.

"Are you kidding me? A fine lady joining us for tea? It's alllll my pleasure." His declaration seemed a little stiff, but he extended his hand and she shook it looking really taken aback. "I'm in the mood for peppermint, how about you?"

"Sure!"

Instead of waiting for Hare's feedback, he hopped out of his chair and ran into the house. Hare glanced in his direction with a weak grimace on his face. Alice leaned forward.

"This was too sudden, wasn't it?"

"There's no way it couldn't have been. It's _okay_. Everyone's going to be surprised."

She smiled, then continued to look the place over. The setting sun was still hitting the flowers along the house, illuminating their gold and pink color.

"He has a garden now..."

"Actually, that's mine! I... _thought_ it'd look nice so I talked him into it. A couple years ago."

"Ahhh..."

"But actually, this week, at my house, we're going to start a _rock garden_ in the back! It seemed festive." Hare grinned.

"Ah... Are you guys..." She paused, gaging Hare's reaction. "Uhh..." Hare anticipated the question in its full, but she lost her nerve. "Uh, where's Dormouse?"

"Oh, he moved out. He bought a teapot like _this _big." Hare gestured with his hands like he was holding a pumpkin.

"Oh, wow... I didn't think he'd ever part with you two."

"Well... after college..."

Alice's eyes widened. "College?"

"Yeah! He has his Ph.D in Medicine now!"

"So he's...d-d...Dr. Dormouse now?"

"Funny little world, idn't it?" They giggled to each other, for the first time in a decade, and words ran dry again as both realized they were. A smile was shared even as Hatter came back out, teapot in hand, and three dangling bags of Bigelow's. A clash of spoons hit the table surface as he set everything down.

When Alice looked up to him, he flashed her the pearly whites and began to pour her a cup.

"Hereeeee you are."

_"Thank you_."

A cup was placed in front of Hare quickly after. As they stirred, he tapped his teeth over his lip excitedly. "Oh, Alice, I've missed you beyond words."

Hatter squinted.

"And I've missed _you_. I didn't mean for this to happen!"

"We know other A..lices?" Hatter broke in, questioning Hare cautiously. Hare gawked at him.

"_Hatter_, don't joke around like _that! _We haven't seen her in ten years-"

"No, I _honest to God_ don't- oh psh. She's not _that_ Alice," Hatter realized and excused with confidence.

"Alice" looked on uncomfortably and fidgeted with the tablecloth.

"Alice was a little _girl._ Come on, Hare. Get with the program."

"Are you really being this dense right now?"

"No, but I think _you_ are." Hare grumbled, but the subject of their bickering began to laugh, sure that the only logical explanation was that Hatter was joking.

"It's so weird to think none of you have aged at all."

"Yeah, it doesn't make any sense, does it?" Hare replied awkwardly. A moment later, he leaned towards the "fourth wall". "It _really_ doesn't. Really _really really_ doesn't," he insisted. Alice wasn't sure who he was talking to, so she just sipped at her tea.

"Has anyone ever told you you have absolutely beautiful eyes?" Hatter suddenly asked. Alice could feel a blush come on but didn't know what to say. "Did you know that the ratio of men to women in Wonderland is 7:3? It's terrible!"

Hare and Alice looked to each other, groping for the right reaction to Hatter's behavior.

"I make hats, you know."

"Still? Well that's... that's great!" Hatter bit his lip and laughed through the tiny gap between his lips.

"If you ever needed one, you know who to call!" He said with his finger up. "In fact, I have a card, somewhere around here..." He began searching within his jacket but came out empty handed. "Oh well."

"Heh."

By now, Hare was giving him the death glare. If it was a joke, it'd gone on far enough.

"Soooo~ Are you a fan of tea?"

"Yes. I-it was you who introduced me to it... Ever since, I have tea quite often, actually..."

Hatter squinted again.

"Uhhhh... I introduced you to tea. Hm..." Suddenly Alice didn't seem so amused anymore. "I-I don't believe I caught your name."

"It's Alice."

"Yes, Hatter, we've been through this! Alice! The little girl we knew ten years ago!" Hare insisted, losing his patience. Hatter blew another raspberry.

"Listen to him!" He gestured a chatty Cathy with his hand. "Living in the past."

"Okay, Hatter, seriously! I... I _am_ Alice. I have my mirror back and I came to visit you."

"Uhhhh no no no no no... Alice-in-the-Past always called me _Mr._ Hatter, because I was lots older than her."

"Well, I... I hate to burst your bubble, but I'm not any_more_."

Hare massaged his eye sockets and returned his glasses. "Hatter, she doesn't live in Wonderland. She comes from a place where people _age_, she's... she's-"

"23."

"She's 23 _years old_," he explained confidently. Hare's hand on his shoulder shook him gently as he thought this out. His eyes switched from the tea to Alice repeatedly for the next minute before he realized what they were getting at.

"So I... I kind of made a fool of myself, didn't I." The other two weakly nodded, but he took one look at her and shook himself out of it. _"Alice!"_ He rose from the chair and hugged her tightly. She reciprocated with noticeably less strength.

Now that Hatter's social ineptitude was out of the way, they enjoyed their tea a while, and both shared with her how all her friends had been doing in her absence. By the time darkness hit, Alice stepped away from the table as her hosts were heading towards the house. "I think I should head back now."

"Ohhhh... you don't wanna stay and watch Desperate Housewives with us? Season finaleeee~!" Hatter bribed. Hare's brow furrowed.

"_I'm_ the one that watches it!" Before he could continue, Hatter jabbed him in the side.

"Uhhheheh... I really can't. It's a lot later back at home. I'll come back tomorrow so I can see everyone. M-maybe we can have a party at the palace! There are still parties over there, right?"

"Of courrrrrse!" Hatter replied over Hare.

Alice looked down and smiled before they both appeared at her sides, ready to escort her back. "Oh, no... It's a secret how I get back. I don't know why I remember, I just do."

They paused a moment. Hatter's arm that he had extended out to her slightly dropped.

"Oh, okay," Hare said. "G'night, Alice." She smiled to the two and started walking backwards down the path, then turned her back on them. Hatter was waving his hand stupidly when Hare noticed.

"Are you okay, Hatter?"

Hatter's brow dropped. "No. Not at all."

He came into his own house, with Hare following him, almost like he didn't recognize the place. His jacket, he placed with precision at the end of the couch, and then he just stood there having some sorrowful thought.

"...She didn't forget about us, Hatter," Hare reassured from behind. He stepped forward and placed his hands on his shoulders, then rested his cheek on his arm. "And it's okay that we were completely awkward."

"No, it's not that..."

Hatter turned around and Hare's hands retracted. He waited for Hatter to explain, but he took an unnecessarily long amount of time looking frustrated and sighing first. The suspense was killing him. Hatter inhaled.

"...I was _totally_ gonna ask her out!" He finally revealed, palms up.

"Wah-...?" Hare's nurturing demeanor seemed to flicker out.

"I can't do it _now_! We practically babysat her!"' Hare's initial reaction lingered, with a hint of disgust. "_I_ thought you were just _joking_. _But it's true_." He found in Hatter's clear blue eyes nothing but sincerity as he leaned into him enough for his breath to play with his bangs. "It'd just be completely inappropriate_ now_."

"You... you _like_ Alice?" Hare asked softly, almost like he had just heard that someone important had died.

"No, I just... I just think she's hot. This is... this is very disappointing." Hare's focus turned to another part of the room, and he slowly wandered to the coat wrack. He was startled a little when the TV flicked on behind him.

"Uh oh. It looks like we missed the first five minutes."

"I... I need to go..." Hare took his jacket and put it on carefully. He sensed Hatter was perplexed so he continued. "I forgot I was supposed to call my mother tonight!"

"But it's... it's the finale! You've been waiting for this all week!"

"Heh. They'll have reruns all tomorrow, I'm sure." Hatter took one nervous look towards the screen and then back, and Hare was already out of sight. He hurried to the door and found him adjusting his bicycle at the gate.

"Goodnight... Hare." Hatter frowned, feeling now twice as lonely as before. Hare only waved him off and was gone into the night.


	2. Part 2

**A Hatter's Obligation**

A Short Story by Yours Truly

Part 2

It was the next day and Alice was on the floor of the courtyard, fanning Rabbit with a garden catalog. Her nervous hand laid around the bunny's head as he sprawled lifelessly, eyes rolled back and fingers still tightened around a rose clipper. The Queen had heard the thud and came swishing in with familiar red garb, seemingly pissed that Rabbit had made racket, rather than concerned that he was hurt.

She squinted at his attendant and cut to the chase. "Who are you?"

Alice looked up. "Oh God." She stopped swatting and dropped the catalog, immediately getting to her feet and sort of curtsying. "Hi, Your Majesty! Um... I'm. I'm Alice!" The Queen thought about it a moment.

"Alice who!"

"Alice... the one who visited here a long time ago?" She looked a little pained. The awkwardness of having to explain this to everyone was getting to her. The Queen repeated the question to herself only by moving her lips and staring off in the distance. When she looked back at her, her previous hostility ceased.

_"Really?..."_ She shouted, hand on her chest. Alice nodded, very very slowly. "OooOOOOOOOO! I thought you were gone forever!" She picked up her dress and came nearly charging for Alice, who tensed up a bit before she was bear-hugged, all the power of the Queen's boobs hitting her at once. She touched her hands on her shoulders and smiled to the air.

When the Queen retracted, she inspected her up and down.

"Well well _wellll! _You got the _whole_ package, didn't you!"

"...Excuse me?"

"The men must be climbing on top each other!" She leaned into Alice with her side and chuckled.

"Ohhh! No..."

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

Alice's eyes widened. "No."

"_OH!_ This is so exciting!" She chirped, ignoring her answer and swishing her hands around. Her arm landed heavily around Alice's shoulder. "Come now! We've got years to catch up on with some tea!" As they neared the thrown room, Alice resisted.

"Wait a minute, your Majesty!"

"Hm?"

She looked back on the fainted bunny with her teeth clenched. The Queen leaned forward to see around Alice with an indeterminable look on her face.

"He couldn't handle the news, I guess..." Alice trailed.

"No matter. I'll go get the smelling salts." They nodded to each other and entered the palace.

A half hour later they were giggling like old friends, now with a whole new world of subjects that were never appropriate back in Alice's prepubescence. "YOU DATED MR. WALRUS?"

"Sh Sh Sh!" The Queen rose her finger to her lips, looked around, and leaned forward. "Nobody knew but Rabbit. About a year after you left... He started coming by more often because he landed a job as a contractor and I needed the east wing refurbished. Then I found out he knew his way around the kitchen too!" By then, Alice was just sitting there gaping at her in amusement.

"What happened?"

"Welllll... We learned it was more of a physical relationship." The Queen looked off in thought. "A magnificent one, at that... But we just wanted two different things out of life. He still visits every now and then."

Alice's grin said it all.

When Rabbit made his rounds, he pulled a plate with tart crumbs from under Alice's nose and gave her a twitchy smile. "Thank you." He did the same for the Queen and bowed his way out before Alice called him back. "Mr. Rabbit! Why don't you come sit with us?"

Rabbit placed his hand on his chest as if to ask "who, me?" She nodded, then gripped the top of an adjacent chair and pulled it out with a screech.

"W-well, well, let me just put these dishes in the sink!" He rolled off excitedly and the two watched him. Suddenly they heard whistling. The Queen looked over and found Hatter strolling near, swaying his arms a little and not making direct eye-contact.

"Can we help you, Hatter?" She asked.

He suddenly looked surprised and hurried over. "Hi Your Majesty! ..._Aliiiiice! _You sure came bright and early! I mean, I had no _idea_ you were going to _be_ here!"

"Hi Mr. Hatter!" She laughed a little timidly.

"You've met already?" The Queen suddenly stood. "How long have you been _keeping _this from me?"

"Oh, no! I only returned last night! I was lost in the forest at sundown and they had me for tea." Hatter hovered around next to her and nodded with a peachy grin.

"Mhm. Mhm. And might I say... it was one of my favorite tea parties in _quite_ a while." They all paused. "You guys busy?"

"Oh, not at all!"

Just as Rabbit remade the scene, Hatter took a proud plop into the chair that had been waiting for him. He made his way over and crossed his arms, practically over Hatter's shoulder. "Do you _mind_?"

Hatter turned his head. "Huh?"

"Well! This is getting a little bit too crowded for my tastes." The Queen set down her cup and eased out of the chair. "I've got some online shopping to do. Alice, would you like to join me?"

"Uhh... sure!" She replied. She stood up and so did Hatter, obstructing her path. They met eyes and she lightly chuckled, not sure she had ever seen such an expression on the man. "I won't miss tea, okay?" She reassured. He bit his lip, as he had been doing often the past 24 hours, and scrunched his shoulders with satisfaction.

"Allll_right!_ See ya' later, alligator!" He shot his fingers at her as she passed him.

"Ohhhh, girl, you've got Victoria's Secret written all over you," the Queen chirped as they left the courtyard.

Rabbit turned towards Hatter with half-closed lids and raised an eyebrow, the side of his mouth slightly drooped.

"'See you lata~, alligata~?' Oh please."

Hatter tilted his head, frowned in the direction the ladies had departed, and walked away.

.

* * *

.

Not long after, Hatter was moseying his way through mushrooms towards the Caterpillar's reading place. He found him taking a cat nap with his lowest hands still holding a book. Not a ginger bone in his body, Hatter strode to a fitting seat and tried for his attention.

"Hey Caterpillar." Nothing. "Hey Caterpillar! ...Caterpillar!" The Caterpillar smacked his lips a little and rolled his head back to the other side. "Caterpillar! HEY!" He swatted his thorax with his hand and the subject to be waked did a whole bunch of snorting and looked down with his eyes cracked.

"Ohh, dear Lord..." He muttered.

"Caterpillar, I need your help. More than ever before! Even more than that time Hare's head was stuck in my Pasta Salad Tumbler."

The Caterpillar extended his hand to his eyes and rubbed out the sleep. "You know, when I die..." He trailed... "I hope you've all got your lives sorted out."

"Hardy har har."

"No, I'm rrrreally considering putting my library in the will."

Hatter sighed, already out of witty retorts, and stared down at his hands between his spread knees.

"Well, what is it?"

Hatter sighed. "It's embarrassing."

"Well you're obviously here to tell me, so by all means... embarrass yourself away." Hatter thought of how to word it, all the while fixing his hair behind his ear and otherwise adjusting himself past necessity.

"I think I've fallen _mad_ for someone... Someone I never expected! Someone who was always there..."

The Caterpillar suddenly looked really annoyed.

"It couldn't have taken you _that_ long," he interrupted.

Hatter's train of thought slowed. "...It couldn't?"

"Are you kidding me? We've pretty much known for years."

"Years?" Hatter rose to a stiff posture. "I hadn't seen her until yesterday!"

"Her?" Hatter's brow fell impatiently. The Caterpillar coughed. "Oh, excuse me. I _think_ I imagined someone different." Hatter's lips tightened. "Please, explain."

At Caterpillar's request, he dropped back onto the mushroom and watched the clouds in the blue sky, never realizing their beauty until then.

"It's just... it's just... When she looks at me," he dramatically cooed, "I lose all track of time." Both considered it. "M-more than usual, I mean. I mean usually I'm two hours off, but with her... _ohhh..._ with her, most certainly_ three_... And I get this weird feeling in my pants-"

"-Okay, uhm..." Caterpillar raised his hand. "So... are you saying... you're in love with said gi~rl?"

Hatter shot up. "I never thought of it like that before, but maybe!" He paused. "It MUST be! I mean all the signs are there... She's beautiful... She... may be smart. She may be funny. But _sooo_ beautiful! S-she's just got these _eyes_ that just... and this hair! _We're both blonds!_" Hatter leaned forward and curled some of his hair in his fingers, desperate to make the point. A second later, he slumped down again. "It's just... I worry she won't think we should see each other.. And that everybody else will have a problem with it..."

The Caterpillar let the air sift in through his teeth and darted his eyes around. "Don't you think there's something _ellllse_ that you might be forgetting?"

"...Like what?"

"Well... It's just... Nobody... thought you were up on the market anymore, um..."

"..."

"M-Maybe there's someone you need to discuss this with before you follow through with it."

"YOU MEAN I SHOULD?"

"I-I didn't say that."

"Oh..." Hatter blinked a few times and looked up. "So do you have a book on this?"

"Uhhh, no. But I can say you just might want to weigh your options a little... If you rrrreally care about her, I think it is important to be honest. Just remember that everyone deserves honesty, not just one or two."

"Right! Okay! I can do that! Ohhhh Caterpillar... It was gonna drive me nuts keeping this in! Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but I've gotta prepare for the tea party! To think, Alice'll know the truth in _no_ time!"

Suddenly he was up and off, leaving behind his advisor, whose eyes were the size of dinner plates.

.

* * *

.

With head downcast, Hare appeared in the door frame, donned in a cute yellow button-down and khaki shorts, with a tray of lemonade and fun cartoon-sun cups. He set it on the porch table and watched Hatter scouting the area to decide on the right dimensions of the rock garden. He was doing it with about twice as much energy as usual. He was about to leave the refreshing drink there and go back into the house when his companion called for him.

"Hey Hare! Get _over_ here! This is _your_ yard!" Hare sighed with his back turned, then put on a smile and walked out. "...You feeling sick, buddy?"

Hare chuckled insincerely. "Nooo..."

"Good, because this is gonna take a lot of work. I don't think we'll be able to do it without the power of song, frankly." He nodded. Hare smiled down at his gardening boots. "Did you catch the finale, finally?"

Hare took some delight in Hatter remembering. "Yeah! Completely _epic_," he assured, swatting his hand. Hatter grinned ear-to-ear with his chin over his hands on a shovel.

The Rock Garden wasn't much looking like itself for a while, but after much sweat (and a few tears), it was finally recognizable and the singing and dancing commenced. They went all out, swaying around the yard and bumping asses. To make matters worse, it was disco.

_Ha ha ha haa_

_placin' the rocks, placin' the rocks,_

_Ha ha ha haa_

_rakin' the sand, rakin' the sand,_

_ Aaaaahhhh..._

Just as the disco ball came down from seemingly nowhere, they found visitors at the fence, making no attempt to hide their amusement. The music came to a wrap when Hatter and Hare looked to the direction of the laughter and found the Tweedles and _Alice_ catching the show. Hatter backed up into the porch where he was unseen, overcome by embarrassment. Hare just sighed and came towards the house.

"I'll go let them inside."

"No!" Hatter plead. "At least let me clean up first!"

"Clean up? We're only half done!"

"I-I _know_, but I don't want Alice to see me like this!"

"We've been hard at work! She'll understand!"

"No no. Just- I-I'm gonna go to the john. Tell them I'll be out in no time."

Hare walked off rolling his eyes and opened the door. When he invited them in, they crowded in the kitchen and Hare offered to make them lunch, but suddenly everyone heard the shower go off. They were wondering, but nobody mentioned it and continued to concoct sandwiches with the stuff in Hare's fridge. Everyone finished 20 minutes later, except Hare, who stayed far from the food and kept glancing at the bathroom door.

After the sound of a blow-drier and some shuffling, Hatter emerged from the house to find the group lounging on the patio furniture. Alice was seated, in his eyes perfectly, on Hare's bright orange rocker, sipping from a lemonade with two straws. Hare just gawked at him, having come out impeccably when his partner-in-rock-garden was still wearing sweaty work clothes. "Hey guys! Hey...Alice!"

Alice fluttered her fingers, a little unsure which observations to verbalize. "All done out there?" She tried.

"Oh, uhhh..." He looked to Hare, who slowly shook his head. "Not quite. But you know... I'm a man of cleanliness." The Tweedles raised their eyebrows. Hatter looked down to some empty plates. "You guys eat or something?"

"_Yeah_, we made sandwiches. Are you hungry? I'll make us some."

"Uhhh..." Hatter looked to Alice like he wasn't sure if he wanted the distraction. Alice piped up.

"You should've seen Hare! Just waiting for you." Hare looked off in another direction and smiled uncomfortably when Alice stood up. "How about I go make them for you and you just rest? It's the least I could do." She smiled at both of them, but Hatter took it as something more than it was. After she walked into the house, he cracked.

"You guys, I think _now_ is the perfect time!"

"Perfect time for _what_?" Dee asked. Hatter made sure the sliding glass door was shut all the way.

"I'm gonna ask her to be my special someone!" Hatter declared, eyes sparkling. Rather than any type of enthusiasm, everyone ran silent.

"You know who that _is_, right?"

"I couldn't know her better," he replied, surely.

"But Hatter, I thought we'd been _through_ this-" Hare tried.

"I know, I know. And I've thought about it harder than I've ever used my brain for anything. I-I know that we knew her as a child for a very long time, and I know she might not think of me that way, but... She's just so attractive I _know_ it's supposed to work!"

Hare's jaw dropped.

"She's gonna be out here any minute. Can you guys just... just go inside and not come out? We need to be alone."

"Well yeah, but..." Dum tried, while Dee scratched his neck a little. Hare was completely speechless.

As if Alice had moved about the kitchen fast as lightning, she returned cheerily with two ham and cheese sandwiches. Hare took it with not much expression in his face and turned for the door, with the Tweedles following him. Once Alice had handed Hatter his, she turned around and found them alone.

"Where'd they go?"

"Ohhh... something about Hare needing help with his toaster oven... Hey let's go get some sun!" He pointed to a picnic table Hare had in the corner of the yard and lead her to it, hands cupped.

"Man... I've missed this..." Alice remarked.

"Hm?" When she sat on the bench, Hatter took the same side, smiling while turned towards her.

"Nice weather year round. It's like Cali but not grueling."

"Hehh, welllll... it's been a little cooler than usual lately, what with Christmas on its way. But no snow!" He smacked his lips. "Snow was a one time thing..." She looked sad because of that. "Must've been you."

"Oh! No... Couldn't be."

"Could too!" Hatter argued. A breeze ran through their hair as the conversation died. "So... everything okay back at home?"

"Oh yeah... Well... I'm not at _home_ anymore... I live in an apartment with some friends. For school." Hatter nodded. "I don't really know them that well, though... It gets pretty lonely."

"I can imagine. Ever thought of living in Wonderland permanently?"

Alice looked taken aback. "No... I mean! ...Yeah... Probably not. It's not really... what I was looking for. Why do you ask?"

Hatter froze. He wet his lip and kept a steady gaze on her. Eventually she tilted her head just a little, wondering if he intended to answer her question.

Suddenly he slapped his hand down on hers, which had laid on the table next to his plate. She looked down confusedly.

"Alice, I love you." Her perplexed focus rose to his face. "I can't live without you." She went with her first candid response.

"Very funny."

"No! It's not funny at all! I mean... All these years I know I've been kind of an uncle figure to you... But now it's different. I just... I want you to see things differently!"

"Differently? I guess I've... never thought about it before..."

"Don't think. Just do what comes natural."

Alice thought about it a moment, removing her hand from under his and rising several inches. Hatter anticipated the kiss with puckered lips but instead she stepped away from the table and started dancing.

"I had fun making lunch for you and Hare~

I'm so glad that I could be here to share~"

Hatter tucked in his lips and sat there watching, baffled.

"The rock garden's really coming along~

It's been a while since I had to make up a song~

That's okayyyy, hey hey hey~

You're like family, that's a-okay~"

Hatter stood up and chimed in.

"But Alice, I'm ready to take the next step~

Because of your boobs, I'm not emotionally inept~"

Suddenly what cheery background music there had been came to a halt. Alice, out of instinct, slapped him clear across the face. "Are you coming on to me?" She asked, having no reservation of voice.

Hatter sighed raggedly. "If you're going to make it difficult, YES." She blinked a whole mess of times. "How about we go back to my place?-" Before he could end his sentence with a doofy grin, he was slapped again.

"I can't believe you!"

"...Why not?"

"I-I-It's not like that at all, seriously! Mr. Hatter... I mean for God's sake, I've known you since I was 11! I...I thought you were my safety net!"

"I can still be your safety net?"

"Okay... you are _not_ understanding the dynamic of our relationship. I knew. You. As. A. Child," she pronounced carefully.

"But you're not anymore! There's a whole new world of possibilities! I mean seeing you as a woman... It's... It's made me reach some new kind of sexual epiphany," he explained, hands out like an answer from the universe had just landed in them. "Which I know you'd think would've come along much sooner in my life, but this must've been destiny. I was saving myself for you."

"You can't be serious."

"But I am! Haven't you noticed we're highly compatible? We're both blond, we're both beautiful, let's make some babies!" It sounded as if Hatter was a child repeating inappropriate things he had heard on television. At this point, Alice had her hand on her forehead and was walking away. To her dismay, two faces were pressed up against the glass. She opened the door and the Tweedles tumbled over as she passed the area.

"Tell Hare thanks," she said, voice a bit shaky. Dee and Dum grimaced as the front door slammed.

.

* * *

.

"Even _I_ know my boundaries, Hatter," Hare said, twirling the phone cord in his fingers and looking over to a picture of them together as he sprawled his bed.

Hatter was back at home, ruminating over the rejection and sipping at some Earl Grey when he had called him with the nerve to explain.

"But... she got hot," he reminded him, like it might somehow all come together by the third or forth time.

"But... but _so what?_" Hare asked, raising his voice impatiently.

"...So I'm lonely?"

Suddenly Hare rose to his knees and put a hand on his hip. "How in the hell are _you_ lonely? What? I'm not good enough for you?" Hatter went quiet, surprised Hare had gotten so defensive. "You're not... handsome enough? You could have anyone in the world and you pick Alice?"

"She seemed easy."

_"...Did I come off difficult?"_ A cautious voice queried.

"What?"

He didn't confirm right away, but finally... "You heard what I said."

"Well no... I've pretty much always known you'd fall right into my arms within the second I asked you to."

"Well-"

"B-but I'm still in the closet!"

"Oh, _HATTER!" _Hare chided. "If you think nobody knows you're in there-"

"But I have to be! To fulfill my obligations!"

"What obligations!"

"It's complicated." Hare clenched his teeth, and Hatter could sense his frustration. "It's something all mad hatters have to deal with and you, as a march hare, just wouldn't understand."

"You're not making any sense."

"But Hare... don't you see? The truth is that it doesn't. Fate just doesn't make sense. Sometimes people fall in love against all offending logic. And I believe that is what is happening to me. So see, it has nothing to do with my feelings for you."

Hare squinted one of his eyes a little and put on an unflattering face as he thought this one out, not really understanding it any better but wanting to clarify his own self-interests.

"Does that mean you've at least thought about it?"

"...Are you kidding me?" Hare hoped his silence meant 'no'. "Really?"

"YES!"

"Oh! Of COURSE! Every day! If it were up to me, we'd be on. Gettin' lewd with the food, shower nozzles..." Hare gaped down to his comforter, clinging to it just a little. "You'd be seeing _God._" He looked up to the ceiling with his mouth still dropping.

"O-o-okay," Hare answered weakly. "Well. I...I'm glad we cleared that up."

"Heh, no problem, Hare... I just don't know what I'm going to do from here."

"Me neither..." He took a deep breath. "Well it's getting late. I'd better go."

"Okay. Night, buddy."

Hare slid the phone away from his ear and pressed "off", then proceeded to the bathroom to "read some comic books."


	3. Part 3

**A Hatter's Obligation**

A Short Story by Yours Truly

Part 3

The following morning, Rabbit rolled warily out to the courtyard and inspected the plants. His cautious movement and cringes made it clear he was in pain the whole way... Ever since the day before he had been following her Majesty and her new mate around like a loyal dog, picking them flowers, chauffeuring them to the mall, then to the movies, then back home. Then went up and down the wine cellar stairs surely twenty times until the Queen was happy with their booze of choice. He was happy Alice was back, with all of his heart, but didn't know why she spent the whole evening at the palace, way past bunny-bedtime. He supposed now that womanhood had come to stay, they had much more reason to hang around each other.

Luckily this morning the Queen was deep in work upstaging the Duchess in some... parade... whatever it was, and he had inconspicuously disappeared after breakfast.

When he reached the front gate, he leaned forward and sighed while staring off in space. When he thought it safe, he gingerly pulled out a flask and unscrewed it with his eyes darting. Just as it reached his lips, a less than charming nasal voice called to him from the bushes, sending him for a jolt.

He looked over and it was Hare, looking confused and troubled, as per usual, and coming towards him with his hands out. Rabbit sighed raggedly while tucking his special drink back into his vest.

"H-Hi Rabbit. Oh, I'm so glad you're here alone."

"Yyyyess... How lucky am I..." He answered to a nearby tree instead of Hare's face.

"I've got something really important I need to ask you..." Hare began, hands fidgeting.

"Well you can mar~ch right back to Hatta~'s and tell him we will not be lending him any more cups of sugar."

"No, no! It's not anything to do with that! We... haven't cooked together in weeks..." Hare guiltily confessed, an open frown rolling down his chin.

"Well? Then what is it! I haven't got all day."

Suddenly Hare looked sheepish, as if he weren't expecting Rabbit to actually listen to his troubles in the first place. Rabbit leaned forward impatiently, almost tapping their cute bunny ears together.

"The Queen could come out here any minute and-"

"It's about Hatter!" Hare blurted, then bit his lip. Rabbit put his hand on his hip. "I think he's making a big mistake, and it's because _I _made a mistake, and now I don't know what to do and he's off... he's off being... just... He's gonna, h-h-he's gonna make anoth- that mistake! Like I said! You know?"

"...Honestly, He'a~, I have no clue what you're trying to say."

"D-did I say it was about Hatter? Oy..."

Rabbit raised his eyebrow. "What about Hatta~, now?"

"He... smells nice?- Not that I would know! He wears a top hat! Is what I meant. And he's yay tall..." He raised his hand accordingly and desperately chuckled. Some birds chirped in the distance as Rabbit sorted this out.

"So let me get this straight... You came all the way to the palace, at 9:30 in the morning, to tell me... Hatta~ wears a hat, and is yay tall." Rabbit made a corresponding height gesture. "Because I know this is surprising... But I saw him yesterday. In fact, I saw him this morning on the Queen's morning jog. And he did in fact fit your criteria," he snarked. Hare took a few steps back and frowned. "Oh, spit it out. What's an old bunny like me supposed to do about it anyway?" Hare looked on, thinking how to explain his way into this one. "If it's about that crush you've had on him for yea~s, I, I, I really don't-"

"What?" Though Hare was startled, Rabbit just rolled his eyes.

"Oh please, He'a~... You cahn't hide your feelings from us. We know you better than you think."

Hare took a few gulps and wrung his hands, then exploded with passion. "Oh RABBIT, I don't know what to doooo! I can't TAKE it any longer!" He brought his hands to his cheeks and looked about ready to rip his own face off.

"Here, here~, I thought you two were friends with benefits-"

"-Aghhh, only sometimes! _It's never enough..._"

Rabbit grimaced, shying away from Hare's hand, which had landed on his forearm, fishing for pity. "W-w-w-why are you coming to _me_ about this? ...Isn't there someone you usually talk to about this stuff?"

Hare brushed his misted eyes with his sleeve and sniffed. "Yes, there is, but I don't think Hatter would take it very well." He had a point.

"Well I... I suppose you want some kind of advice?"

"Only if you have advice! If you don't, I'll just be on my love-sickened way!" Hare said, breathing heavily and cupping his hands.

"Well... I suppose if you really want him to notice you once and for all... But it's going to take a lot of wor~k."

Hare blinked a few times as Rabbit's eyes traversed him head to toe.

"W-what kind of ideas did you have in mind?"

"You'll need a hai~r-cut, that's for sure..." The comment made Hare tighten his collar a little and shrivel into himself defensively. "Could you stand to lose the glasses?"

"No... I like always seeing where I am?..."

"Hmmm..." Rabbit tilted his head.

"This really wasn't the kind of advice I had in mind. I don't think Hatter cares what I look like."

"Apparently we've known a different Hatta~..." They shared an awkward glance. "But alright, if you're not in a hurry to get l-"

"RABBIT, WHERE ARE YOU." The two of them jumped a good foot off the ground at the sound of the Queen's thunderous voice, echoing across the checkered floor as she made her way outside. She was still in her nightgown, a cup of tea in hand.

"Oh, h-h-hi, Yo'a~ Majesty... I was just about to cut you some roses, when He'a~ showed up for a chat."

She gave them a suspicious eye.

"Chat? You two never chat. What were you two Chuckleheads chatting about?" Hare sunk even further into himself, if that were possible, and like that, the Queen was standing right in front of him squinting at a small bead of sweat running down his temple. She could sense his unease like blood in the water. Hare's eyes drifted to Rabbit, whose shoulders sagged in defeat.

"Oh, you might as well tell her. She pretty much suspects. In fact, we've had many conversations about it."

"Conversations about what?" The Queen asked practically into Hare's ear. He flinched and gathered his lip under his teeth with closed eyes.

"You know, about the two of them maybe being... perpetually engaged for the pahst... oh, 15 yea~s, give or take..."

"Oh yeahhhh." The Queen grinned at Hare like he was really "special". He still seemed flabbergasted that anybody had even a slight inkling he was attracted to his best friend.

"Oh come on now, don't be embarrassed. The man's beautiful. Hell, if I were 10 years younger... Look, that's not the point-"

"B-b-but your Majesty, we're not engaged!"

"And I assume you came to the palace to ask if you should tell him? He could be interested. Why not?"

"He _does_ know, he just-"

"Yoa~ Majesty, please, you don't need to white lie to the poor bastard," Rabbit broke in.

"I'm being SERIOUS," she uttered, flailing in his direction. He sunk into the floor.

"But _Your Majesty!_" Hare broke over the two of them desperately. "The problem isn't just wooing him! I have to woo him_ away_ from someone!"

Suddenly both the Queen and Rabbit looked befuddled.

"...He wants to be with _Alice_."

"Alice? ...D-did we know more than one?" Rabbit asked, stroking his whiskers a little.

"Oh for GOD'S SAKE," Hare accidentally seethed. He took a deep breath. "No. There's only one Alice and she's gonna take him away from me-eee~!" He half-sobbed. Rabbit patted him on the shoulder, feeling really uncomfortable as the Queen gave him a long agonizing, disgusted stare.

After some time, a proper reaction came to her. "Oh he did _not_ go there," she pronounced, snapping her fingers. Hare weakly smiled, spirits slightly lifted that someone as respected as the Queen felt similarly.

"...A-am I right to stop this?"

"Honey, you are that man's keeper! We are supposed to be Alice's family away from home, and now he's after her within a day because she's grown up? I _knew _I saw a twinkle in his perverse little eye... No offense."

"None taken," Hare answered.

Before anything else was said, she raised her hand to his chest and pushed him down into a patio chair.

"Now here's what you've gotta do..." she began, with Rabbit and Hare all ears. (no pun) "If you want him to know, once and for all, that you are interested in him, and you won't take no for an answer, you have to be more assertive! Your romantic efforts have to _slap him clear across the face. _I'm not talking leave-him-roses-on-his-doorstep. You are gonna be _in his tub_ with the roses when he walks through the door."

"Oh, but I don't _know_ about that..." Hare trailed, placing a hand on his heart and looking to the floor, cheeks beginning to redden.

"You have to do this stuff, eventually. I'm telling you, that man is dense as marble."

"But..."

"Shut up. It's that 'but' that has kept you a virgin all these years." Hare's legs snapped all the way shut. "Just quiet and do what I say and you can lead him into the bedroom by the bowtie."

"O-okay."

"Alright, now listen here..."

.

* * *

.

Hatter was lounging in front of the television screen watching the Hat Channel when the keyhole of his front door began to jingle. He paid no heed as Hare entered the house and came quietly down the hall, stopping at his side.

"H-Hi, Hatter."

"Hey, Hare," Hatter responded without looking.

"M-mind if I sit?"

Hatter, taking an impolite amount of time, slid his feet off the couch and left room for Hare only to awkwardly lower and look to his friend at the opposite side.

_After the commercial break, we're going to show you a hatter architect, who has made beautiful replicas of popular buildings using nothing but tophats! Stay tuned! _

Hatter grinned at the screen and returned his legs in front of him. Hare took it as his chance to act and scooted over until they were shoulder to shoulder. Hatter noted it with a simple turn of the head. "Heh..." Hare tried to break the ice. "I hope you weren't lonely this morning. I had some errands to run."

"Oh that's okay! Hah. I was busy myself."

"Hmph!" ...He turned to him as well, knowing they'd nearly tap noses. "You're not busy anymore, are you?" They shared direct eye contact for a good five seconds before Hatter leaned forward to retrieve something on the table.

"Nnnope! Nope! I finished it just in time." Hare looked down and found a card in Hatter's lap, covered in sharpie-drawn hearts. He smiled a moment before the cover was opened. "I wanted to tell Alice I was _really __**really**_ sorry for being so forward yesterday and... maybe ask if we could just go bowling or something." The smile forming on Hare's face disappeared.

"Oh... That's..." He took a deep breath. Hatter could feel the air reach his own hands. "That's great. You know - you and I haven't gone bowling in a while..."

"Yeah, uh well..." Hatter scratched the back of his head. "We get busy. Heh! You know? Maybe some time."

The show was back on, so Hare remained at his side, hands neatly on his lap. His concentration journeyed from the table in front of them, to his shoes, to the floor, until finally the show had ended and Hatter stood up. "Excuuuse me..." Hatter said cheerily, ruffling Hare's hair with his passing hand. Hare made him room and then stood up to follow him as he headed for the door.

"Where ya going?"

"Oh, I heard from the Tweedles that Alice was visiting to help them pick out a tree. May as well let her know she doesn't have to feel awkward around me, right?"

Without waiting for his friend, he went out the door and into the forest in no time. Hare had gotten as far as the gate before his walking slowed and shoulders slumped. "What about _our_ tree?..." He whined.

.

* * *

.

Alice sat on a rock with a wide grin on her face, Tweedle Dum right next to her. They were watching Dee circle a particular tree of interest and joking all the while.

"You know, at one point or another, I'm gonna need both your help," Dee reminded them.

"Oh hey, you guys!" A voice called. All three looked around and spotted Hatter strolling over, card in hands. Alice sort of hid behind Dum. "I had nothing better to do so I thought I'd come by." Like God hated her that day, he took a seat next to Alice, criss-crossed in the grass. He looked up to her and smiled. "And-...I wanted to give this to you, Alice." He extended his arm and she took the card reluctantly, reading it with a straight mouth.

"Oh!...Heh... That's really nice of you." She handed it back to him. "It means a lot." She nodded, and he began to, but he looked at the card in his hand with discouragement before handing it back to her.

"You can keep it, you know."

"That's okay," she replied, keeping her smile. Dum cocked an eyebrow.

"I-I drew it myself. See that's me..." He pointed to a purple stick figure. "And that's you... And um, uhh... Well you're holding a bowling ball. I made it hot pink. You know, 'cause..." He swished his hand like it was obvious. Alice just darted her eyes. "Girls like... pink..."

"I've always been more of a blue-girl myself."

"I like blue too!" Dum added. Hatter caught sight of him and his brow dropped like a sack of potatoes. Dum was sure he was getting dagger-eyes at that point.

Though the tree-hunt went on, Hatter remained like a third wheel. Or should I say, forth. At one point he tried helping Alice measure a tree by holding down the step ladder and leaning a little too far into the back of her, which just got some pained expressions from the Tweedles when she hurried back down and moved away, smoothing out her skirt.

Once they had found the perfect specimen and leaned it in the corner of the Tweedles' living room, they had a late lunch and played Jenga a little while before Alice said she had another date at the palace. Hatter followed her out the door and stopped her before she could so much as step off the front porch.

"So did you think about that whole bowling thing?" Hatter tried, nodding like he was sure she'd say yes.

"Mr. Hatter..."

"Oh please, call me _Hatter_!" She sighed and fixed some of her hair behind her ear.

"Hatter... It's sweet of you to want to work this out. But I don't think I'm ready right now. This is just a really big surprise, and..." Hatter's lips sunk down his chin. She looked around a bit and crossed her arms. "I-I-I thought you were gay."

"An opportunist is a more accurate... description."

_"...What?"_

"I-I-I like women. B-but men too."

"Okay. Well... It's been nice seeing you. Thank you for helping us with the tree. I've gotta get going."

She began to walk but heard her new suitor's footsteps directly behind her. She turned around once more.

"I'll walk you there! Wouldn't wanna get lost again, would you?"

"Actually, the Tweedles pretty much showed me around. It was those blasted signs that threw me off until I remembered what they meant," she reassured. As she began to walk again, Hatter pouted in the background, then ran up to her side once more.

"I could keep you company!"

"Okay..."

They went right along and Hatter kept himself just an inch or two back so he could stare at the back/top of her head. He wondered what kind of shampoo she was using. He remembered when all she would wear in her hair were cute little bows, and now she had replaced them with a diamond barrette. Truly magnificent. So sophisticated.

When they reached the courtyard, Alice didn't really stop to say goodbye, but turned on her heel and waved at him. He waved back and kept his smile until he could no longer see her, then trudged back where they came from.

As he walked the forest, the light dimming as another day ended, he decided to go and harass the Caterpillar again, as he was sure by now his previous advice had failed him.

.

* * *

.

The clock struck eight when Hatter returned home, hair in disarray and tequila on his breath. His walk was fairly straight to the kitchen - perhaps he had only had a single drink to smooth the edges. After downing a glass of water, he decided he needed a shower and started up the stairs. "He has _some_ nerve telling me I'm... t-telling me I'm overstepping my boundaries..." He muttered.

He threw his coat onto the bed and absentmindedly opened the bathroom door, finding Hare in the tub, naked as could be. He looked up with chattering teeth.

"HARE! What the _hell_ are you doing?"

"I... You should've been here like an hour ago!" He dodged, covering himself up.

"What'd I miss?" He asked, angry and still confused.

Hare looked down to his pudgy water-glazed tummy and hugged his knees, frowning at the clear water that had once been filled with grapefruit-scented bubbles. A couple of tea lights on the shelf were burned dry. He sighed and nothing more.

Hatter tightened his lips and held to the door frame. "_Oh. _Oh God." Hatter remained in silence, but he heard Hare make a soft sound, perhaps to do with being freezing and embarrassed, and hurried over to grab a towel. "Come on, Hare," he ordered, looking to the floor and stretching the towel out. A few splashes followed before it was taken from him. His companion then turned around and Hatter watched his freckled back as he blotted himself dry with another towel. He sighed heavily.

"I had no idea you were waiting for me," he said, but Hare didn't answer. His eyes wandered to a tape-player on the toilet lid, and some oils on the counter top. It occurred to him immediately what the plans were and, quite unusually, began to blush. To make it worse, Hare turned around and had gone cherry red. "What's this all about?"

Hare's round chocolate-chip eyes dropped as he groped for a reply. Hatter got a little lost in his bright pink cheeks and frizzled hair. Even though he was wearing nothing but a towel and his glasses had condensation, he was cute as a button.

"I just wanted you... to be excited to see me again."

_"What?_"

He avoided Hatter's stare by going to his clothes on the counter. "After all these years... I guess I'm sorry nothing happened."

Unprepared for this kind of situation, Hatter just continued to stand there as Hare put on his socks. He rolled them all the way to his knees, as per usual. He took a deep breath and approached him, finally. "Hare... old buddy... I'm sorry too. But it still didn't. And now I've found something that _could!_ Don't make me choose." Hare continued to look anywhere but Hatter's eyes. "It's not even a choice, really, as I've said."

"But..." Hare began but didn't finish. Hatter scrunched his shoulders and came closer to his eye level, which just made Hare turn his face completely to the side.

"Hm?"

"...Why never me? Why isn't it a fair choice?"

"Well!" Hatter began, like he was sure there were a thousand reasons. None of them were coming to mind at the moment.

"Does she know your favorite breakfast? Is she going to know exactly what to get you on your birthday? Will she care when you have Hatter's Block? When you eat a maple bar and get it all over your face, is she gonna lick the frosting off your nose?"

"Hare, please." Hare seemed to be getting angrier by the second.

"Would she stay up with you all night if your night-light went kaput and you didn't have any spares? Could she sing you to sleep? _Because I have-_"

"Hare-"

"Is she going to have tea with you every day until she dies?"

"Listen! I told you you didn't get it. I know what an absolutely amazing friend you are, and _I told you_ you'd make for _amazing_ sex, but there is a voice in my head telling me I'm meant to _be_ with her. It's _hetero_, for God's sake!"

Hare gaped at him a moment and snatched his clothes, leaving the room in the rush. Before Hatter could follow him, he slammed his own bedroom door on his face. _"Hare!_ Come on! Don't be like this!" Hatter waited a long moment before pleading again. "You're just having anxiety over me having a girlfriend. I promise it'll pass! I'll still be around! I just have to distribute my time!"

Still, nothing.

About ten minute later, Hatter was slumped into the opposite wall when the door opened and Hare came hurrying out. He took quickly to the stairs with Hatter on his trail, continuing where they left off. "Are we going to work this out or are you gonna be angry all night?"

"I'm gonna be angry all night," Hare spat, speed-walking down the hall.

"Can I call you?"

"Suck my cock!"

The front door slammed. He wasn't sure if he meant that literally or not.

* * *

**The final part coming later today. :)**


	4. Part 4

**A Hatter's Obligation**

A Short Story by Yours Truly

Part 4

Two hands, one white and the other yellow, reached into a box for the last Christmas bulb. Because Hare had nothing to do and nowhere to go today, he showed up at the palace again and found Rabbit decorating, but he had no idea how gracious he was being letting him help out.

"I take it you and Hatta~'s issues continue?"

Hare sighed while leaning over a box of angel figurines. "Worse than ever... I'm not even speaking to him." Rabbit put on a face of pity momentarily before rummaging for the scissors. "I took the Queen's advice and waited for him in his bathtub..." At that, his listener turned around and gawked at him. "E-exactly," Hare finished. "He kept staring at me like I had lost my mind... And I think I _have_..."

"Well what did you _say_?"

"I don't even remember... I was so upset I just ran my mouth and got dressed and left."

"Well what did _he_ say?"Hare's longing gaze on his lap seized and he gave Rabbit an incredulous look. Rabbit fidgeted with the scissors. "Hey, you _star~ted_ it..."

Hare sighed once more. "He said, basically, that there was nothing I could do..."

"Welllll... To be honest with you, you _were_ kind of a hopeless cause..." Rabbit offhandedly slipped.

Suddenly they heard voices nearing the thrown room. Rabbit continued on decorating but Hare looked up. Her Majesty and Alice were coming straight for him. He couldn't keep his eyes away.

"OH, Rabbit! The place looks _marveloussss!" _The Queen shouted, arms raised above her head.

"Hi, Mr. _Hare!_" Alice greeted, making friendly eye contact with him. He blinked a mess of times, then tried to smile his hardest.

"Hi!"

"I haven't seen you around _at all!_" He stood up and brushed off his suit to look a little more presentable.

"H'ohhh~ I've just been... busy Christmas shopping!" He lied, but she took great delight in it.

"I have too! But her Majesty paid for it... Which kind of defeats the point but..." The Queen gave her a knowing smile. "She wouldn't have it any other way." Hare let out a messy chuckle and gulped, then got back to work.

"Rabbit!" Rabbit, who had been standing on a step ladder hanging some popcorn string, wobbled around before returning to safe ground and giving her his full attention. "I need you to call the caterers again. I've changed my mind about the silverware. Gold will look much nicer!"

"Y-yes, Yo'a~ Majesty, I'll get on that right away..."

He rolled behind the girls as they left the room, and before he knew it Hare was alone, placing some angels on the make-shift fireplace. He couldn't remember ever feeling so lonely on this type of day, even though he had just seen the three of them. As he passed the opening to the courtyard, there was some jingling at the gates. Hare raised his downcast face and peered out.

"Pssst! Hare! It's me!" Hatter faux-whispered, clinging to the closed gate and extending a grey hand.

"What do you want?" Hare asked, point blank.

"I want inside, what does it look like?" Hare crossed his arms and stared at him across the way.

"The Queen closed those for a reason, you know."

"Of course I do! She closed every gate in the damn palace! I'm beginning to think she doesn't want Alice and I to see each other." Hare looked on impatiently, like he couldn't believe Hatter was shameless enough to even have this conversation with him. "I was gonna invite her ice-skating..." He added, solemnly.

"You really don't get it, do you?"

Hatter frowned. "Come on, Hare..."

"Don't," he put on a retarded voice, "'come on, Hare' me!"

"Seriously now! Just like that, y-you don't want me to be happy anymore just because we have to stay friends?"

"You know, Hatter, sometimes you forget _I _have feelings _too_," Hare asserted, jabbing his finger into his chest. Hatter choked on his words as his last chance at getting into the palace stomped away. He wasn't sure why, as all the opportunity in the world was still there, but he felt the enthusiasm of the pursuit flickering away inside of him. Like he was coming down from a sugar high, he sauntered back to the tea table and poured himself a fresh cup.

He sipped listlessly with his feet up for a while, occasionally eying the empty chair next to him. He stayed there surely an hour, re-pouring and working on a holiday crossword, when none other than his object of affection strolled past the walkway, not even noticing him. His posture stiffened.

"Hey Alice!" He called, trying to remember he didn't need to shout too loudly. She slowly took notice.

"Hi, Hatter." Her answer, without a hint of "why is he talking to me" put a smile on his face.

"I thought you were at the palace."

She thought about it a moment, then crossed the gate and stepped next to the table. "I was... I guess I'm just not used to the Queen's... energy level." She laughed to herself under her breath.

"Hah... Nobody ever will be." She laughed and took a seat, then straightened out her button-down sweater and leaned forward.

"You got tea for two?"

"There usually _are_ two." He realized what he had slipped, but took the cup from Hare's spot and pouring to the top, generously. He seemed at a low, but he watched admiringly as she prepared her tea. Unlike Hare, who dumped in nearly the entire sugar shaker, she carefully sprinkled and stirred. Instead of a proud audible gulp, she sipped carefully. He cleared his throat. "You um... look very nice today, Alice."

"Hmph," was her only answer.

"No blue?"

"Hahah, there was a time when I was obsessed with that. Not anymore."

A considerable silence followed. For one reason or another, they just didn't have anything to talk about. Hatter had thought of a number of compliments about her looks to follow up, but was afraid she'd get annoyed. The only other thing he could think of was to ask how school was going. That didn't sound like a fun discussion.

"So... Does this mean you accept my apology?" He clarified.

"I accepted it yesterday," Alice replied. "I know that you meant it, I guess you liking me a little is just something I'll have to get used to for now."

"Great! I couldn't ask for more." Hatter weakly grinned. "Well... I _was_ going to go to the mall to pick up some gifts..." He trailed. "Maybe you'd like to go with me?"

She considered it. "...Alright!"

Like a bad movie, cheery upbeat music began to play as the two vacated the premises. A montage ensued of them passing the various stores, and stopping for churros. They proceeded to get silly with the sale items, holding up Christmas sweaters to each other and singing along with dancing snowman figurines.

Their eyes appeared between shadows of items on shelves, looking for each other between isles, which lead to fast-motion chasing, until Hatter's coat-tail snagged a Santa display and the two were covering their mouths in front of an angry store clerk. Hatter had to empty his pockets to pay for the damage.

When all shopping was done, they emerged from a J.C. Penney's, bags swinging each way, and Alice's hand around Hatter's proud arm. They came straight for the ice rink, which Hatter acted like was a big surprise, and were seen gliding by amused passersby. Hatter's antics landed his ass on the ice numerous times before Alice came to his rescue, failing miserably, being half his size, to pull him up.

"OHHHHHHh, man!" Alice uttered between giggles as they left the mall. "This is what I remembered about you."

"Is it? Then I'm really embarrassed."

"No! I missed this. It's too bad Hare couldn't come."

"Uhhh... heheh, yeah. Too bad. I think he has... wrapping to do!"

"Maybe. I only caught him at the palace earlier, helping Rabbit. I thought it was strange, but then... do they get along these days better than they used to?"

"Pshh, Rabbit and Hare? Not at all."

"Hmm... He didn't look too happy, anyway. Maybe the Queen was forcing him."

Hatter left the rest to Alice's imagination and continued towards the bus stop. They took a seat on the bench and waited quietly. Hatter liked that they were in such close proximity, trying to get a whiff of her hair while she wasn't paying attention. Suddenly she looked up to him and he leaned back, pretending he had done nothing before that moment.

"Are you and Hare still as close?" When she asked, Hatter seemed to slump down.

"Yeah, basically. Why do you ask?"

"I don't know. I keep seeing you both at separate times and wondered."

"Psh! It's the holidays, Alice!" He bullshitted. "We're always out of synch at this time. Which reminds me! I still haven't gotten a tree. Maybe you can help us decorate when I do~~?" He softly nudged her.

"Hmph, why not? I've helped _everyone else_ in Wonderland."

Just then the bus appeared, with fun rainbow letters on the side. Hatter waited for Alice to come in front of him and they boarded the bus. About ten minutes later, they stepped out to a crossroad. Hatter looked about ready to take her back to his place, but she didn't follow. "I'd better be heading home..."

"Oh, alright. T-that was fun!"

"Yeah, it was!" Hatter smiled for an awkward amount of time, expectantly, until she gave him a simple hug. He returned it and picked her up, which made her giggle. As soon as she slid away, he leaned down for a little somethin' and she stepped back hastily, giving him a frustrated stare. Hatter just seemed confused. "...I told you I just want to be friends."

"Oh! ...Well yeah! It was just gonna be a... a..." He thought quickly, "a friendly kiss." Alice slowly shook her head. "Oh. Okay. That's fine! Uhh..." He put his hands up, trying to make peace.

"See ya, Mr. Hatter."

"Bye..." He waved, deflated.

.

* * *

.

Back at Hare's, Oprah was wrapping up and he was sitting on his couch with a tissue box under his arms, blotting his tears. "Oh Gayle, you don't know how lucky you are to have her!"

He went to the kitchen to pour himself some more chamomile, taking a moment to smile weakly at his light-up candy canes on the window over the sink, when there was knocking on the door. He had a feeling for who it was, so he took his time answering.

Hatter took a few deep breaths before Hare opened up, sure he would slam it if the wrong words were said. Hare gave him a good intimidating glare, but he wet his lip. "Hare, I want to work this out." Hare leaned against the door frame and squinted. "Please don't make me beg. I just... I don't want to spend Christmas without you. No matter what I do, I'll be thinking of us fighting, knowing I've made you really upset. I mean, I can't change how I feel about Alice, but you were right... I wasn't considering how _you_ felt."

Hare blinked. Speeches like this only came from Hatter once every few years, it seemed. His eyes wandered behind Hatter, off to the horizon, as he thought of what to do.

"Please? Can we make up?"

He shifted his focus to Hatter, who seemed soaking with guilt, or so he projected. He couldn't say no if he wanted to.

"Alright, get in here!" He commanded, turning around and heading back to the kitchen. Hatter followed him, looking down to the back of his fuzzy head, strangely overcome by the idea that Hare had the authority at that moment. He locked the door behind him and positively shined when Hare handed him a clean cup.

"Chamomile?"

"Of course!"

"Of _course,_ of course. I can smell it," he chirped. Hare turned towards the counter and stirred his cup, but Hatter leaned to his side and tilted his head, invading his peripheral so he could no longer hide. He giggled a little, trying not to be too happy Hatter was back in his kitchen.

From behind him, Hatter pulled something out with a little green stickery bow on it. Hare took a good look and his mouth fell. "You didn't!"

"Apparently the new installments came in last week." Hare snatched the comic book from his fingers and flipped the pages excitedly, like he just had to make sure they were all there. "Now this is only _part one. _Part _two_ is for Christmas, okay?" Hare grinned with his two front teeth scooping up his bottom lip and shook out all the giddiness, but immediately it died out and he stared at Hatter guiltily.

"I..I haven't bought you anything yet. D-did you want to go shopping together?"

Hatter nervously quieted. "Uh well... I'll come _with you_... if you like, but... I already went shopping _today_... with... Alice..."

Hare sort of knew this moment of let-down was coming. "Oh..." He set the comic down on the counter and headed into the living room.

"Hare, it's not what you think." Hare turned around and the silence was enough question. "She's... she's just not into me." Hatter's face went downcast as he said it. He was waiting for maybe an expression of sympathy, like a 'that's too bad, Hatter', but it never came. "I had a feeling... I just didn't want it to stop me. I felt so sure she just needed some convincing, but now I've made all kinds of advances on her and she's turned down every one."

Hare had to resist smiling a little bit, but he was losing the battle. He turned around and gripped the top of the couch.

"So I guess for now... she and I are just going to be friends." Hare was still smiling down to the couch, until Hatter stepped just behind him. "Ya' okay?" He whipped around.

"Yeah!"

"Hah! You look like you're about to cry."

"Ahahghghgaha!" He giggled. "Well I was watching Oprah before you got here, and..."

"Oh, well that explains everything." Hare put on mock-offense and flicked him in the chest.

"Ow! Hey!" In retaliation, Hatter leaned forward and made a popping sound while tapping Hare on the nose. He scrunched up. "Hey Hare." Hare opened his snapped-shut eyes.

"What?"

"You got any cookies around here? I'm all out."

"I thought I brought you a whole box last week."

"I ate them."

Hare put his hands on his hips. "Well I don't have any _more_~, unless you want me to make them right now."

"That's an idea," Hatter answered, swishing his hands together like they were plotting something. Hare looked towards the kitchen, pondering it.

"Okay, but you have to do as much of it as me. You're not gonna sit at my counter watching."

"Aww, but it's cute watching you," Hatter confessed, following him. Hare immediately got the sense he was being flirted with, and he didn't know how to take it. He was sure Hatter was now friends with everyone, and nothing more.

As dusk became night, the boys got themselves covered in flour and had bowls of dough all over the place. While the cookies were in the oven, they sprawled out on the rug making completely immature jokes and laughing away from each other. Every time they were face to face, Hatter felt he was being stared at, almost longingly, but every time he remembered his unexplainable commitment to Alice.

.

* * *

.

With crickets chirping out in the darkness, the two came stumbling to the screen door, the house behind them lit only by the Christmas decorations. Just as Hatter was lazily throwing on his jacket, Hare gave him a good slap in the shoulder and was nudged into the door frame. As his hand swung for Hatter's shoulder again, he was lifted off his feet a little. "Alright! Get out of my house!" He ordered through laughter. Hatter set him down, and both were conscious of their closeness a second later.

Hatter gradually smiled, so Hare mirrored him. This exchange, just in that way, was a staple of their interactions. After this long, still neither knew what entirely it meant.

"'Night, buddy."

"G'night," Hatter watched the dimple rise in Hare's cheek. "OH WAIT!" He hurried back into the dark and returned with a tupperware.

"Oh! Tchch, yayyy~!" Hatter cheered softly.

"Okay, goodnight!"

"G'night," Hatter repeated. He was watched until he could no longer be seen, and the screen door closed silently.

.

* * *

.

Hare snuggled his pillow and hid his face from the sun before crawling out of bed the next morning, wearing nothing but his tighty-whities. He was feeling fuzzy and light, almost like he'd been kissed. After brushing his teeth and washing his face, he threw on a clean shirt and pants and went downstairs to make waffles for breakfast. He cut them carefully and sprinkled them with cinnamon. He accompanied the waffles with a tall glass of orange juice.

When he was all finished, his first thought was to look out back at the (almost) completed rock garden when his doorbell rang. It made him giddy to think it was Hatter... He wondered if perhaps now he had changed his mind. There always had to be that chance.

He checked himself in a nearby mirror and opened the door. Instead, it was Alice.

"Hi!"

"Oh, hey, Alice!" He raised his shoulders happily and gestured for her to come inside. They came as far as the start of the kitchen before Alice turned slowly around, a smile missing from her face at first.

"...How are you doing?" Hare asked to break the silence.

"I'm doing good. And you as well?"

"Yeah." They smiled to each other, but the awkwardness was creeping up. Alice took a deep breath.

"Um... There's something we need to talk about."

"Let me guess - does this have to do with Hatter?" Hare raised his eyebrows, confident she was only clearing up the obvious.

"It does... Which is why I knew I should come to you first." Hare swatted his hands, flattered. "Um, he's been trying to ask me out a lot lately. I'm sure you knew about that, right?"

"Of course. Hatter's not good at hiding anything, really."

"Hmph. True. At first he really freaked me out. I just couldn't imagine a world where I would _date_ Mr. Hatter... I think he just got excited to see me and overreacted."

"Heh! I'll say..." Hare widened his eyes and spoke more to the floor than her.

"But... yesterday it wasn't like that. It... It was a lot nicer. He was acting normally, and... I thought it was sweet." Hare darted his eyes around. "You know, I guess I started to feel like someone outside of myself, who _hadn't _known him as a kid, and I could just look at him for what a great guy he is. Isn't that the fair thing to do?"

Hare looked taken aback, but Alice continued to wait for an answer.

"O-of course."

"But I know how close you guys are! I mean, you two have always been my standard for best friends, and I wouldn't want to come between you. So if I went out with him... I'd want your permission."

"M-m... My permission..." He gulped. There was a twinkle in Alice's eye, matching Hatter's. Her unrelenting stare, waiting for that answer, had him feeling hotter by the second. He shuffled his hands.

"I... It's really not up to me. You should-... If you really feel that way, you should let him know. I-I'm sure he'd be thrilled," he said through his teeth. Though light laughter played at both their lips, Alice's was the only thing sincere.

"I'm sure, too. Funny how that happened..." Hare smiled to a nearby counter top, his hands still shuffling. "Well, thanks. You guys are... wonderful. Wonderful friends. With each other and with me... I didn't think I'd be getting into this when I came back. It's very funny..."

"Mheheh~!" He watched her near the front door and followed, steps very slow.

"Am I going to see you at the Christmas Eve party tomorrow?" She asked, backing up onto the porch.

"Of course! Heh."

"Okay, cool." With the goodbyes still unspoken, they shared a friendly stare. "...Mr. Hare?"

"Yeah!"

"...Was there anything ever... going on with you and...-"

"-Oh! ...There may have been. Once. It'd be silly to like someone that long though, wouldn't it." She narrowed her eyes at his ambiguous answer.

"Not necessarily." She glanced him up and down just once and headed off. He closed the door mere seconds after her back had turned and sunk down to the floor.

.

* * *

.

Shopping later on was a lot quieter than it should've been. Hare could tell Hatter was nearly tearing at the seems with excitement, having finally received acceptance of his courting from Alice. He didn't say a word about it, though. He only caught him smiling to himself and looking around the store full of wonder. Okay, so he did that anyway, but this time he knew there was a reason for it.

In his hands was a shopping basket of his own, which Hare continuously peered into when he wasn't paying attention, confusing him even more each time. Candles, chocolate cherries, a tape of Michael Bolton's greatest hits... There was also a teddy bear with a light blue snowflake scarf around its neck. Hare knew this stuff couldn't have been for him... As much as he wanted it...

As they were walking back to Hatter's, Hare spoke up.

"Uhm, so! Whose place do you wanna stay at on Christmas Eve? I know it's been yours the past couple years, but I was thinking we could um... stay at mine. I can always put that futon in my bedroom. O-or we could both sleep in the living room." He chuckled.

He interpreted what followed as a pause, but it continued much longer than he was comfortable with.

"...Actually, Hare, I've got plans on Christmas Eve. Do you think we could just meet in the morning? Maybe like ten or later?" The distance between them suddenly grew.

"But... We've never spent Christmas apart before."

"I know, I know, it's just... something came up," Hatter explained, holding to his shopping bag a little too tightly. Hare stared incredulously at it for a moment before shaking his head.

"Hatter... don't you think that's too soon?"

"Wh-," he suddenly looked defensive, "to me it isn't! Do you know how long I've been waiting for a night like this?"

Hare put a hand on his hip, knowing Hatter _never_ had to wait for _anything_. "...W-w-what are you going to _do_, anyway?"

"Can you keep your voice down? I don't want to _spoil_ it!"

Although it would do nothing but hurt him, Hare felt adamant about knowing the nitty gritty details by then. "Well there better be a good reason if we're not spending Christmas together!"

"Hare, It's _only _Christmas Eve, and I-I-I don't want to talk about it with you. I know that you would get upset."

Hare tried to ramble his way in to why he should know anyway, when Dee and Dum greeted them from behind, sending him for a jolt. They were, naturally, completely unaware that this was a bad time.

"Hey! Did you get the invitation for the party yet?" Dee asked, holding his in his hand.

"I sure did! Couldn't be more excited!" Hatter half-smiled.

Hare just nodded a little, suddenly put off from being around at all, now that all their secrets might leak to the others. "Heh, well I've got all these gifts, I really need to take them home and wrap them," he explained, inching away from them to make the escape easy.

"We've still got a whole day, you know!"

"I know! I-I'm tired. I guess that's it."

He could feel all three sets of eyes watching him head off without so much as a goodbye, but never stopped walking until he was back at home, where he dropped his shopping bags onto the dining table and sunk into a chair, not sure if he was devastated or embarrassed.

About a half hour later, he was out front picking flowers when he heard the Tweedles returning from Hatter's, speaking more loudly than realistic.

"Do you think Alice would really kiss him if he taped that mistle-toe on his hat?" Dee started. Hare silently gasped at the thought.

"I don't know, but otherwise, I think he's lost his mind..."

"Yeah, I mean what are the chances Alice is just going to walk into his bedroom, full of candles and romantic music and just hop onto his bed?"

Hare's eyes widened.

"Yeah, or eat all of those chocolates? He bought enough to feed a _cow," _Dum explained like it was a bad thing.

Next his jaw dropped.

"I don't know how I'd feel about the marshmellow bubble-bath..."

"Aghgh..." Hare sort of groaned to himself. It sounded wonderful to him.

"And I had no idea Hatter was that kinky. Fuzzy handcuffs? ... He never seemed like a bondage guy."

Hare looked down, realizing his hand had began to crush the stems of the flowers he had collected.

"Dum, I don't think he seemed like _anything_ to us. Because we weren't interested."

"_I'm_ interested..." He whispered to himself.

"It'd be a little too soon for Alice, too. He's on his way to a rude awakening with all that stuff. Too bad he didn't just use it on Hare. If anybody in Wonderland ever needed to get laid..."

Hare covered his mouth to stop his reaction from reaching their ears. They mentioned something about finishing the tree and kept on their way, leaving Hare now twice as aroused and frustrated.

.

* * *

.

It was the day of the party and Hare had not heard a single word from Hatter all day. To make matters worse, he could not get his mind off of the juicy details the Tweedles had shared about Hatter's plans for the night. It was too much for him to hear that Hatter even _had_ thoughts like that, without the depressing detail that all of them were aimed at somebody else...

But all of his selections, they seemed so tailored for Hare... As if their time together was all Hatter knew... It just wasn't fair that this was Alice's treat when he had waited for it all these years, but he'd made it so far, he didn't want to lose it. It was Hatter's special night whether he was there or not... What happened to all his selflessness?

He was sitting at the picnic table in the back, eying a vase of the newly picked flowers, when the heat started getting to him. He knew it wasn't that hot, but all he wanted to do was pull off his clothes. A bead of sweat was rolling down just to the side of his eye. As it journeyed his cheek he raised his face and cracked his mouth to glide his tongue along his upper lip, like he might taste it.

Here he was, a half hour before that party, having an inescapably erotic thought of the two of them in Hatter's bathtub, lathering those bubbles all over each other. He could feel his own body tingling just from the thought of having a fantastical orgasm and finishing it off with dark cherry trouffles.

"Ogh God..." He moaned to himself, his breath a little tight in his throat. "Why am I doing this to myself?" He asked, staring ahead wistfully, when a drop of condensed water started down the cool side of the flower vase. His eyes followed it intimately. His tongue wet his lip again. "The Tweedles are... they're wrong..." He reasoned. "I... I love Hatter, but I don't _depend_ on getting laid..."

"No, not at all..."

"...He's a grown man, he can make his own decisions... I can't stop him..." He continued to insist, his words growing weaker, until he was whispering them to himself. He stuck a finger into his collar to loosen it.

"That stuff isn't for me..."

"Just because he said we could h-have sex, i-i-it... it doesn't mean I need it..."

He looked up to the clock, glasses fogged, or perhaps he was only imagining it... the steamy bathroom mirror and sated moaning... "Oh dear God..." He voiced to the clock, on its way to reading 5:38.

"He must be on his way over there now... to seduce Alice..." He reminded himself, nodding a little with lips ajar. "But I don't need it..."

"It's not like he belongs to me..."

"I'm doing them a great favor letting them date... I should be proud of myself..."

"I don't need it."

Tick tock... tick tock...

Another bead of sweet was emerging, and another. His forehead grew itchy and he brushed back his bangs, feeling the cool air, like that in the bedroom when their hot passionate sex continued and he was thrown on the bed. Michael Bolton's greatest hits and the scent of apple-cinnamon...

Nearby was the comic-book Hatter had bought him, like a symbol of all his solitary orgasms. _It didn't __**have**_ _to be like that anymore..._

But it did.

"I don't need it..." He argued with himself. "I don't need it..."

Tick tock... tick tock...

"I _definitely_ don't need it..."

He could surely feel his own fantasies burning a hole in his pants.

"I don't need it... I don't need it!"

He gripped the table.

**"I ****NEEEEEEEEED**** ITTTTTT! WAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"**

As soon as the words were uttered, he shot up like a ball of flubber, and Mariah Carey's "All I Want for Christmas Is You" began a montage of him jumping over the gate and running through the forest faster than he had ever run before.

His features had gone wide but otherwise expressionless as he hurried to Hatter's, thinking of nothing but what must be done. He passed the Tweedles in a blur and they looked on, wondering what the fuck he was doing.

Not long after, he was propelling himself over mushrooms past the Caterpillar, whose pages of the book he was reading swished out of place by the sheer speed he was traveling.

As Hatter was innocently adjusting his Christmas attire in front of the mirror in the hallway, Hare burst through the front door. A pregnant pause followed as his chest rose and fell dramatically, but he only needed to spot him before he sprang forward and shoved him over the side of the couch. He laid there befuddled as Hare straddled him, huffing aggressively and shadowing his face. Hatter's eyes widened.

"Hatter, I can't take it anymore!" Hare rose and put his hands on his hips. "You're not allowed to go out with Alice!"

"What?"

"You _heard_ me! _I_ _DISAPPROVE. _It's _NOT GONNA HAPPEN."_

"Oh yeah?"

"YEAH!"

"Oh yeah?" Hatter shouted again, with less confidence.

"_HATTER,_ let me explain something to you!" Hatter gulped. "You cannot just tell someone you would give them the most- the most fulfilling bedroom experience ever, a-a-and that they would be seeing God, and then just walk away! It's _cruel_ and _unusual!_"

"I'm sorry! I-I wasn't thinking! I was talking out of my ass. I promise!"

"But you _meant_ _it," _Hare hissed.

"What are you saying?"

"I'm _saying_, as your best friend, you owe me a sexual relationship!" Hare declared, falling into him and showering him with kisses. Hatter darted his eyes around as his attacker nuzzled him relentlessly. "_Mmhwa! Mmhwa! Mmph!"_ He laid there taking it all for a long moment before smiling at the ceiling and cupping his hands around Hare's adorable little ass. If this were a woman, he was sure by now he'd be covered in lipstick. Eventually Hare retracted, breathing laboriously, his face completely pink from some combination of horniness, boldness, and heat. Hatter was still staring at him wide-eyed.

"Wow, I never thought you would do something like this."

Hare caught his breath again before he spoke. "I never thought _you_ would do something like _this_!" Hatter frowned. "I mean, I... I-I-I thought it was over between us. Everything that brought me any type of happiness. I always thought you'd be around. I thought I'd have you without ever having you, somehow... I can't do that anymore! I have to really have you!" Hare whined, falling back down to Hatter's chest and huggling him, which only lasted a second before he swung back up and gripped at his shirt for emphasis. "And _you're_ not going anywhere for Christmas! You've staying here and I'm making you cookies a-and... and... and we're making _love_!"

After all the stamina it took for Hare to reach his baby, Hatter returned him with nothing but an anticlimax. "Alright." Hare's declaratory finger hung in the air as he looked down.

"What?"

"Christmas Eve, cookies, love - sounds about right." He pulled Hare down by the waist, who began to wriggle as Hatter kissed him sloppily all over the temple.

"What? Wait a minute! We're not going to argue about this?" He tried to push Hatter away but his grip was too strong.

"Nnnope, I think we've argued enough this week," he answered, then pressed his lips back to Hare's forehead.

"What about Alice?"

"It didn't work out."

"But. But. You've only been seeing each other for a day," Hare reasoned, sitting up again, hand trailing a certain length and stopping.

"I know. And she got boring in a day."

"But yesterday, and the candles, and- but the other day you had a great time!"

"On it's own, yeah, maybe... But frankly, you and I could make more of a riot out of watching paint dry. I mean I was entertaining myself _a lot_. Besides our great looks," he ran his hand through his hair, "we really don't have enough in common." Hare faintly smiled, but Hatter continued. "And then today... we _crocheted_ in front of my TV for like two hours. In which, I thought of a number of ways to off myself with those needles. And then she was crying about some Lifetime movie,"

"I cry over Lifetime movies,"

"I know, but we cuddle when that happens. She slapped me on the arm and told me to give her a few minutes alone. And then she said something about her mother's wedding..." Hare put on a look of disgust.

"But... but... what about all that stuff about you being meant to be and how it wasn't a choice?"

"Uhh... I think it was just gas."

Hare scrunched up his face incredulously. "You put me through all of that over gas?"

"Not entirely - it... it was the novelty, I guess. I mean, women _never _come to Wonderland, and Alice was from some far off mysterious place... When it wore off, I felt like a real douche. Even _she_ didn't recognize me."

Hare didn't want to agree, even though he knew it was true, so he just bit his lip, which just sent Hatter on a cute overload. "_HARE!_" He clung to him again. "I _love_ you! _Why_ do I always find this stuff out after it's too late?"

Hare let out a pained laugh and pushed for enough room to say to his face "because you're an idiot." Hatter couldn't help but laugh, that his equally clueless partner was pointing this out to him. His laughter loosened his hold and Hare was able to swing his leg back and crawl to where Hatter's hat had rolled when he was 'attacked'. Once it had been retrieved, he turned around and Hatter was standing right behind him, so he fit it snugly on his head and gave him an indeterminable stare. "...I should be slapping you."

"Please don't?" Hatter tried. Hare looked guilty for having brought it up for a moment, before he realized something.

"What happened to the mistletoe?" Hatter tilted his head. "I.. I heard it from Dee." Hatter scrunched his shoulders in amusement.

"Welllll... since the plans changed, I..." Hare tried to make out like he wasn't looking around for wherever he had tossed it, but Hatter spotted it a mile away. He dropped his face closer and gradually smiled. "We don't need it, you know." As Hare mirrored him, Hatter closed the space and their lips touched momentarily. Suddenly Hare practically growled, grabbing Hatter by both the cheeks, and so began their ferocious tango to the bedroom.

.

* * *

.

Back at the palace, everyone had arrived except for the (currently love-making) duo. "It's fifteen minutes past 6:00! Where the hell are the Hatter and Hare?" The Queen shrieked. Everyone attending raised their hands and shrugged, including Alice. "_Nobody_ knows anything?" She raised an eyebrow with kind of a smirk on her face.

"Well actually, Your Majesty," Dee interrupted. "Hare said something about not coming."

"_Not_ coming?"

"M-maybe Hatter's convincing him," Dum suggested, but she had already gone off with a thought.

"Cat!" The Cheshire Cat, who had been peaking around the present area, casually glanced at the Queen, not really caring one way or the other. "Go see where they went."

"Oh psh. Why meeee?"

"Why do you think?" She answered, dead pan.

The Cat rolled his eyes and disappeared. The fun tempo of the music continued without accompaniment as the group waited for the verdict. A second later he popped back over the punch table, his hand over his heart. "You don't want to go over there."

"Hmph," the Queen thought fit to reply.

"I-I guess things wor~ked out?" Rabbit figured.

"I don't think I can un-hear that..." the Cat trailed.

"It's about time." The Queen ended that sentence with a squint towards the sky. "I suppose I can make an exception. Wouldn't want them _at my party_ doing that..."

"Alice, I thought Hatter and you were... you know," Dum started. Alice smiled more to herself than to him.

"For a day, yes. I was going to call it off tonight."

Dee, who had his back turned, swished around to the two with drink in hand. "Let me guess... he freaked you out?"

"A little, yes, but it was actually a conversation I had with Hare... I realized they weren't through with each other yet. I-If I had gone through with it, it would've made me a real bitch."

The Tweedles thought about it a moment and laughed it off.

"Watch out, Alice, that's where we keep the mistletoe," Rabbit mentioned, rolling up for a Christmas cookie. He nibbled at it amusedly as she slowly glanced upward to some drooping garland, and so did Dum. They looked back to each other and laughed.

"Probably not," she said, weakly shaking her head. Dum tightened his lips.

"'Course not."

The End.

* * *

**Please R/R if you like it, or for discussion. :)**


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